A Clinical Psychologist’s Tips To Combat Homesickness And Culture Shock When Studying Abroad!

Studying abroad can be a rewarding experience; you are moving out of the comfort of your own home to pave the way for a better future. However, even when you are feeling confident and ready, the reality might not be what you envisioned, and that casts doubt on your decision. 

Here is where the culture shock kicks in. As you find your way around a new environment, you might also experience homesickness, longing for what you were so used to before moving out. These feelings are normal, but if not dealt with properly, could result in serious repercussions. 

How do you deal with homesickness and culture shock, you ask? While everyone has their own way of coping, here is what Aishah Diyana Baharuddin, a clinical psychologist specialising in change or life transitions, has to say about navigating it. 

Could you briefly explain what homesickness and culture shock means?

Culture shock is the adaptation process of one person refamiliarizing themselves to a new environment after staying in a very familiar environment before that. With culture shock, there are different stages that come with it.

When you know that you’re going to a new place, often you feel very excited. Like, “I’m going to go to a new place and learn this or that”, there will be a lot of positive feelings. When those highs start to subside, and you start to realise that you’re actually in a new environment altogether, here’s where tension and discomfort will start to sink in. 

This is where homesickness comes in. A lot of issues that come with homesickness and culture shock stems from students often ideally expecting themselves to be able to adjust very naturally and not have any issues at all.

Then when there’s even a glimpse of a setback or a glimpse of discomfort, they feel like, “Oh, I’m not doing good enough,” or, “I need to go back home because this is not for me”, without giving enough time for adaptation to take its natural course.

How often do you have clients who study abroad that consult you regarding homesickness and culture shock?

I’ve had clients who I was already seeing for therapy when they were in Malaysia. When they moved abroad, they thought they could adjust well, and then when homesickness kicked in, they needed to speak to a therapist that knows their cultural background.

Some of my clients were already seeing a therapist in their host country, but realised that they couldn’t match the cultural understanding. So they sought therapists back home to get a sense of familiarity again.

My clients consist of those who study abroad, and also those who move abroad to work. Homesickness can also happen when you’re moving to different places and that is also work related.

Are homesickness and culture shock related?

So, culture shock is like a big, big wave of adjusting to a place, and you cannot have homesickness without culture shock. So if you have culture shock, most likely you also have homesickness, but you cannot have homesickness on its own.

Homesickness doesn’t last long because if you really allow the culture shock adaptation to go into that natural wave, it will eventually subside and then you’ll start to adjust, you’ll start to accept and then things will start to integrate again.

However, if you get sort of fused with this homesickness and you start to do things that become maladaptive, isolating yourself, you start to close in, then culture shock starts to prolong. So it just starts to be more complicated than its natural curve.

What are some of the things that have been pointed out by your client about homesickness and culture shock that you found compelling?

Something that’s really remarkable is when they say that they really missed the small things that they often took for granted. For them, in Malaysia, things were generally quite cheap, and everything was very accessible. Their sense of independence and sense of self was very clear.

When they moved to another place, all of these privileges were taken away and the sense of functioning was then reduced. So there’s a lot of grief over the loss of familiarity, and often that is not being addressed.

That’s because you always kind of assume, “Okay, yeah, I moved to another country, and it’s okay for me to feel sad,” but actually, if you really dig deeper, it’s a sense of grief because you’re so familiar with what you know, and suddenly that gets taken away. You have to learn to readjust again. You’re kind of mourning over that loss of normality.

So when we can acknowledge and name the experience, it becomes more normalised.

Otherwise, it feels very isolating like, “Why am I feeling like this? I shouldn’t be feeling this way because I’m already going to a place I really want to go. Why am I feeling sad?”

Are there stages/levels to culture shock? What are they?  

There are quite a lot of different interpretations of the stages of culture shock, but essentially the idea is that it is a U-Curve process. 

Honeymoon phase

You’re going to a new country, you think of all the amazing things you are going to experience, and things are good. 

Homesickness

You start to notice there are a lot of things that are so different from your home country, and you start to get upset at it. This is your first glimpse of culture shock. You then notice that you are having problems with adjusting and this is where homesickness usually starts.  

Usual factors in adjustment difficulties: 

• Language barriers
• A significant difference in cultural practices 
• A shift in usual routine
• Pace of lectures
• Study culture in the university you are in

Adjustment phase

This is where I’d like to say you are intellectually trying to learn about this country. You’re able to gain more knowledge about the country, the language, culture, and you’re trying to make home with this new place.

Emotional acceptance 

You are able to acknowledge that the country has its good and bad. You are able to accept it as it is, instead of trying to change, like, “Oh, this is not like my home country”

When you are able to go through the process of acceptance, only then are you able to come back to the community, really going to that phase of knowing, “Okay, this is where my life is going to be”. Then you start to get used to it, and it becomes a new norm for you. 

If homesickness and culture shock is not dealt with properly, what could happen to a person?

If you don’t deal with this phase properly, often what will happen is that the feeling of isolation would be very prominent because you feel like you don’t belong, and you’re not going to be as excited to reach out and connect. 

It can become a vicious cycle. What you think is your way to cope ends up being the reason you experience the same problem over and over again. These are usually the key factors to a lot of causes of mental health issues, like adjustment disorder, depression, and anxiety. 

Students might also reach out for other quick fixes, like going into substances to get rid of this uncomfortable feeling, because it’s easier to just numb out the phase than to experience it.

Are there any stigma related to homesickness and culture shock?

The one that I have actually learned from my clients is the fear of speaking up, because they didn’t want to appear privileged to feel embarrassed over something that they should not feel embarrassed about.

People’s first assumption is usually, “It’s all that you always wanted. You are in a country that has so much accessibility to great things. Why are you feeling like this in the first place?”. It’s almost like they try to trivialise it.

If we look at the U-curve, homesickness and culture shock only comes in after they move to the country as it isn’t a priority. Before moving to study abroad, there are more things that seem more dire and more urgent, like logistics, accommodation, or what subjects you’re going to take.  You haven’t mentally prepared for what you’re going to do and how to deal with the homesickness part yet.

Unless it gets really bad, it never comes up in a normal conversation, like, “Hey, prepare for homesickness,” because it’s not in the checklist. These two things actually can coexist; you can be so prepared, and at the same time, you could also be very, very sad that you’re in a different country.

What does a student need to understand about homesickness and culture shock?

What they need to understand first about homesickness and culture shock is that it is a natural process. When you’re able to normalise it, then it feels less daunting.

That’s because you know that this is how it’s going to be for a while versus when you have ideals of how you’re going to adjust and that things are going to be perfect. You start to judge yourself when you feel like you’re not at 100% if it is the latter.

Students need to know that moving to a new place means that you’re getting yourself out of your comfort zone. It’s just that because they’re so focused on homesickness they forget the reason why they even feel this way in the first place is because they got out of their comfort zone.

What can students do to minimise the effects of homesickness and culture shock?

Minimise the gap between home country and new country

You want to maintain as many connections, such as routine, social relationships, things that you love from the home country, and bring it to the new country. Continuity will be there and there is a sense of familiarity and security.

Build a routine

It will help re-establish your sense of identity again. When you’re abroad you’re almost trying to squeeze yourself into a different mould. It’s like when we went through MCO (Movement Control Order during the pandemic); initially it was really hard to accept that we have to wear masks, and keep our distance. Eventually you learn that this is the new baseline, the new norm.

Dealing with homesickness and culture shock is the same thing, it’s just normalising that this is what is going to happen for a while, and then you get familiar with the new baseline and build from there.

Make room for feelings

Allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling. I know it sounds cliche, but often the act of getting rid of a negative feeling is the one that gets them stuck in that cycle of prolonged homesickness. Make room for some days when there’s going to be bad, because that’s how grief is as well. 

Write it down

Journaling has been shown to be a really good avenue to express how you feel. If you’re struggling with your emotions and you’re not expressing it anywhere else, there’s no catharsis for it. If you can allow space for yourself and validate the experience that you’re having through writing, that could be an option for sure.

Reach out

Immerse yourself to the new community, without judging yourself to master this interaction straight away. I believe a lot of times people get afraid to reach out because they feel like they need to know how to do it so perfectly and so smoothly.

Often these exercises are not to solve the problem, rather, just to support one’s adjustment to the emotional distress regardless of what the situation is. Remind yourself of the intention to study abroad in the first place. When things such as culture shock come up, we tend to lose the plot, the objective and the intention. Manage your expectations, not lower them, and be realistic about it.

What is your advice to students who are going to/studying abroad in regards to homesickness and culture shock, and would you recommend going to a therapist to handle this?

I would recommend anyone to see a therapist with or without the situation. Of course, it’d be beneficial if they see them when they’re experiencing homesickness and culture shock, but you also want to speak to someone before it gets difficult, not when it is already difficult.

For those who are going to study abroad, really remember what this homesickness and culture shock means. You’re experiencing it because you have stepped out of your comfort zone, and actually allow it to be something more meaningful than just, “Oh, I’m homesick”.

If you get rid of homesickness, you’re also going to get rid of natural progress. You’re going to be comfortable wherever you are, but then that’s it.

Normalise the feeling of homesickness and culture shock. Don’t dismiss it by saying, “Okay, you’ll get over it”, but acknowledge that this is indeed a natural process of you feeling some discomfort, and it’s going to come with some dosage of homesickness.

Aishah Diyana Baharuddin is a Senior Clinical Psychologist at Mentem Psychological Services. You can find out more about her work and her amazing colleagues at: http://www.mentem-psy.com.my/